Bush To Abolish Congress In Bid To Regain Initiative

Washington, D.C. - In a bold move designed to recover the political initiative after the devastating defeats of the recent elections that saw the Republicans lose both the Senate and House of Representatives, President Bush has decided to abolish Congress through the use of an executive order. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has told Bush that this power would fall well within his authority as the Unitary Executive in a time of war.

Details are still sketchy but Assimilated Press has learned from high ranking sources in the Justice Department that the executive order will be released shortly before Christmas while Congress is adjourned for the holidays. All members of Congress will be given two weeks severance pay from Exxon Mobil and told that their services will no longer be required.

In order to make this action more palatable to the American people, the public relations firm of Hill & Knowlton has been hired by the White House. They have advised the President that a majority of the public will accept this extraordinary measure if it is packaged as both a matter of national security and a budgetary necessity. Along those lines, President Bush is set to announce that the abolishment of Congress will save taxpayers a minimum of 14 billion dollars a year. In addition, a further savings of 2.3 billion dollars in construction costs will also be realized by converting the Capital Building into a prison complex that will house detainees and undesirables.

When questioned about the constitutionality of such an executive order, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia replied, "Constitution! We haven't used that thing in years."