Monday, November 27, 2006

Bush To Abolish Congress In Bid To Regain Initiative

Washington, D.C. - In a bold move designed to recover the political initiative after the devastating defeats of the recent elections that saw the Republicans lose both the Senate and House of Representatives, President Bush has decided to abolish Congress through the use of an executive order. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has told Bush that this power would fall well within his authority as the Unitary Executive in a time of war.

Details are still sketchy but Assimilated Press has learned from high ranking sources in the Justice Department that the executive order will be released shortly before Christmas while Congress is adjourned for the holidays. All members of Congress will be given two weeks severance pay from Exxon Mobil and told that their services will no longer be required.

In order to make this action more palatable to the American people, the public relations firm of Hill & Knowlton has been hired by the White House. They have advised the President that a majority of the public will accept this extraordinary measure if it is packaged as both a matter of national security and a budgetary necessity. Along those lines, President Bush is set to announce that the abolishment of Congress will save taxpayers a minimum of 14 billion dollars a year. In addition, a further savings of 2.3 billion dollars in construction costs will also be realized by converting the Capital Building into a prison complex that will house detainees and undesirables.

When questioned about the constitutionality of such an executive order, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia replied, "Constitution! We haven't used that thing in years."


Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is a sad commentary that this article is nearly believable. The part about Scalia especially.

12:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

geeze, i didn't know the part about turning the capital building into a prison complex!


9:10 PM  
Anonymous enemy of the people said...

Ok. I was expecting a nice, fat Repug at my Thanksgiving Bar-B-Cue but the sumbitch didn't show. It was probably a failure to communicate.

Anyway, now that there are going to be a whole bunch (not as many as before 11-7) of the dastardly buzzards running around, I want to restate my order: One nice, fat repug senator (or representative if he/she has been at the trough for at least 80 years) as the centerpiece - er, umm, ahh, main attraction - er, umm, ahh, guest of honor (yeah, that's it, guest of honor) for my New Year's day semi-annual Bar-B-Cue.

To those of you who want to celebrate the savings to our Treasury by getting rid of this obviously useless organization, on New Years Day at 12:00 noon, look up at the sun and smile real big.

Thanks and good night.

2:22 PM  
Anonymous pinko said...

In an interview about Bob Woodward's book "Plan of Attack", regarding the run-up to invading Iraq, Woodward is questioned "Did Mr. Bush ask his father for any advice? “I asked the president about this. And President Bush said, ‘Well, no,’ and then he got defensive about it,” says Woodward. “Then he said something that really struck me. He said of his father, ‘He is the wrong father to appeal to for advice. The wrong father to go to, to appeal to in terms of strength.’ And then he said, ‘There's a higher Father that I appeal to.’"

When asked about His comments on recent criticisms of the President, Jesus said "As Bush's higher father I'm 110% behind that little guy", adding "W's such a scamp - wearing that little flight suit, hollering things like "Bring it on!","Mission Accomplished!", "I"m the decider!" Kids say the darndest things, you know? But, they keep you young."

10:15 PM  

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