Daddy Defends W From Angry Grandmother

Houston, Texas - George Herbert Walker Bush was reduced to tears today as he defended his baby boy, George W, from an angry grandmother. The incident took place at the opening of a new theme park jointly financed by James Dobson and General Electric called God & Missiles. At the end of the opening ceremony, in which Bush praised both God and missiles and said that without one the other would not be possible, a frail woman in her eighties stood up from a folding chair and said to the former president, "You were a terrible president but your boy is even worse. He is a disgrace, a liar, a thief and a self-righteous idiot. He has shamed America and made us a laughing stock to the rest of the world."

At that point, a visibly agitated Bush, trembling with rage, left the podium and confronted the woman face-to-face as he said, "Don't you dare talk about my boy that way. He's a Bush and we Bushes all stick together." Then, the elder Bush slapped the woman hard, knocking her to the ground and drawing blood. Showing amazing resilience, the grandmother got back up to her feet and returned the 41st president's slap causing his false teeth to come flying out of his mouth.

This insult to his dignity was more than he could bear, with tears running down his cheeks, the former president called for his secret service detail to come to his aid. Two agents immediately responded by grabbing the woman by both arms. Bush then walked up to the woman and said, "You don't look so tough now."

And then, as astonished members of the audience looked on, the elder Bush pummeled the restrained senior citizen with a series of punches to the abdomen and face. After twenty or thirty blows, the woman slumped down, apparently unconscious as the secret service agents continued to hold her. She was then handcuffed and charged with assault.

Later in the day, executives at the Walt Disney Company announced that they were going to film a mini-series based on the confrontation in Houston which will be called President Bush Defends God And America From Enemies Within. The program will air on ABC.