Thursday, November 30, 2006

Iraq Study Group Report To Be Made Into Opera

New York, New York - In a development that has the entire entertainment industry talking, Andrew Lloyd Webber has secured the rights to the Iraq Study Group Report which he plans to turn into an opera. Calling it his most ambitious project to date, Mr. Webber said, "Iraq Study Group Report, the Opera will be bigger than Jesus Christ Superstar, more moving than Cats, and a greater love story than The Phantom of the Opera. It will be my true masterpiece."

Excitement is already building in anticipation of the Broadway opening which is scheduled for the middle of May. President George W. Bush will be played by Nathan Lane, Vice President Dick Cheney by Jon Lovitz, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld by Sylvester Stallone, and Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice by Whoopi Goldberg. Advanced ticket sales are brisk.


Blogger Shimmy said...

What time is it right now in Baghdad? Why haven't I seen Ngo Dinh Diem since Rumsfeld disappeared?

5:32 AM  
Anonymous enemy of the people said...

Diem and Rummy are out back trying to find someone who people might know to play the organ for the opera.

4:47 PM  
Blogger jurassicpork said...

What a fascinating point/counterpoint in the libretto:

"Send more in!

Bring 'em home!

Send more in!"

(and so forth and so on, infintum ad nauseum...)

5:18 PM  
Anonymous pinko said...

"Iraq Study Group Report, the Opera"

CD 1:

1. "Rise of the Vulcans; The Neocon Two-step" (Cheney/Rumsfeld/Perle/Wolfowitz and the Neocon chorus)
2. "Bring it On! Bring it On!", (Bush/Neocon chorus)
3. "Who would Jesus Bomb?" (Bush/Dobson/Falwell/Haggard)
4. "Saddam, You Tried to Kill My Daddy; Just a Tiny Drop of Oil" (duet)(Bush/Cheney)
5."Gonna Have My Yellowcake and Eat it Too" (Cheney)
6. "Sixteen Little Words" (Powell/Rice)
7. "Liberators and Flowers" (Rumsfeld)
8. "The Patriot Act; Seize the Day", (Cheney/Rove)
9. "Watch What You Say" (Fleischer/ The Press Corps chorus)
10. "Are You With Us or A Traitor?" (Rove)
11."Lean but Mean" (Rumsfeld)
12. "But, But, But" (The Democrats' chorus)
13. "Never Criticize Your President" (Lieberman)

CD 2:
1. "With A Guy Like You" (Bush/Cheney/Rove/Chalabi)
2. "Last Throes" (Cheney)
3. "The Boogeyman's Gonna Get Ya!" (Cheney)
4. "Got All Those Ducks in a Row" (Rove, Diebold chorus)
5. "But, But, But" (reprise); Abu Ghraib" (The Democrats' chorus, the Press Corps chorus)
6. "Stay the Course!" (Bush/Cheney/Rumsfeld)
7. "I'm the Decider" (Bush)
8. "Stand Up, Stand Down" (Bush, The Generals' chorus)
9. "About to Turn That Corner" (Bush/Cheney/Rumsfeld/Rice/Rove/Lieberman and the Neocon chorus)
10. "Vote, Vote, Vote" (Cheney/Rove/Bush/the Democrats' chorus)
11. "I have Bad News" (Rove)
13. "Forget About It" (Kissinger)
12. "Poppy" (G.H.W. Bush/James Baker/Brent Scowcroft)
13. medley: "Stay the Course" (reprise); "Last Throes" (reprise);"But, But, But" (reprise)"Forget About it" (reprise) (The Neocon chorus, The Press Chorus, The Generals' chorus)
14. Finale: "Does Anybody Know What To Do?" (ensemble)

5:23 PM  

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