East Coast Earthquakes Caused By Patriots Rolling In Their Graves
Mt Vernon, Virginia - A series of continuing earthquakes and aftershocks in the 13 original American colonies have been determined to be caused by the Founding Fathers, the Continental Congress and the soldiers of Valley Forge rolling in their graves.
The unusual activity began shortly after President George W. Bush, known as "Last in War, Last in Peace, and Last in the Hearts of His Countrymen," compared himself and the conduct of the war in Iraq to George Washington and the battles of the American Revolution while visiting Mt Vernon.
The current President has repeatedly stated that voting for Democrats is the same as voting for terrorists, while his Senate supporters recently blocked any meaningful debate on Iraq with the justification that discussing the war undercuts support for the troops. It appears President Bush and his supporters have never encountered the words of President Washington who said "Real patriots, who may resist the intrigues of the favorite, are liable to become suspected and odious; while its tools and dupes usurp the applause and confidence of the people, to surrender their interests."
Mr. Bush, a firm proponent of the "unitary executive" in October 2006 quietly slipped in legislation voiding the Posse Comitatus Act, which means that at this moment the president can declare martial law at any time for any reason without any Congressional restraint. In his official capacity as Supreme Commander and Dear Leader, Mr. Bush went on to say a few more words comparing himself to George Washington, the man who could have been king but declined.
Earthquake and aftershock activity started immediately at the conclusion of the president's speech.
Written for Assimilated Press by roving reporter pinko