Joe Lieberman's Family Hires Cult Deprogrammer

Hartford, Connecticut - After enduring several years of his increasingly erratic behavior, members of Senator Joe Lieberman's immediate family took the drastic step of hiring a cult deprogrammer in a desperate attempt to extricate him from his strange and overpowering embrace of President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney. Initial indications regarding the success of this deprogramming effort are not encouraging.

Professional deprogrammer, Eliot Adams, after spending twelve straight days with Lieberman locked in a hotel suite in a Washington, D.C. Ramada Inn, emerged shaken and with little hope of success. Said Adams, "The man is a machine. I've deprogrammed Moonies, devil worshipers and Céline Dion fans but never ever anyone as far gone as Joe Lieberman."

Adams continued, "The problem is that the indoctrination by the Republican Party has been too strong for him to overcome. Like any powerful cult, the Republicans used classic brainwashing techniques to get Lieberman to surrender his soul to their cause. They kept him isolated from his family and friends for weeks. They fed him a diet high in starches and low in protein. They constantly played audio tapes of Vice President Dick Cheney's numerous appearances at the Heritage Foundation. And, perhaps most damaging of all, he was surrounded by William Bennett and Sean Hannity for days at a time as they repeatedly told him that Democrats are the spawn of Satan. I'm afraid the man is a lost cause. The people of Connecticut are just going to have to get used to the idea that they elected an incurable cultist to the senate and will have to learn to live with their mistake."