Attorney General Gonzales Says Soviet System Model For America

Washington, D.C. - Commenting on the recent rash of US Attorneys fired because of their failure to follow Bush administration guidelines that explicitly state that only Democrats are to be prosecuted and that all political prosecution cases should be timed for maximum political advantage, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales struck back at critics in defense of these politically motivated terminations.

Said Gonzales, "Our instructions to these fired US Attorneys was very clear. Under no circumstances were they to investigate or prosecute Republicans, especially Republican senators and congressman. Despite these orders Carol Lam from San Diego exposed a giant network of corrupt Republican officials who were taking bribes in exchange for their influence in Washington. Furthermore, David Iglesias in New Mexico refused to bow to pressure from Senator Pete Domenici and Congresswoman Heather Wilson to time an indictment to benefit the Republican Party in the last election. This shameful conduct by these US Attorneys was repeated by at least 6 other US Attorneys who have also been fired and replaced by faithful Republicans who are willing to follow our guidelines without question."

Gonzales continued, "When we in the Bush administration seized power, we realized we only had a short time to remake the country in our image. One of our first decisions was to replace the American system of justice with something more in tune with our style of governing, a system that would serve to benefit our party structure and make Republicans the dominant force in America for generations to come. Together with Karl Rove, Dick Cheney and President Bush, we decided that the old Soviet Union offered us the perfect model for maintaining power, that is, complete secrecy, intimidation, and prosecution of political opponents. Fortunately, we have confidence that the remaining US Attorneys are all onboard with this policy now that we have removed the heretics who refused to show their obedience to the party."