Nevada Democrats Drugged & Raped By Fox News

Las Vegas, Nevada - Unnamed but highly placed sources at Fox News have told Assimilated Press that Rupert Murdoch personally ordered Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly to place the date rape drug Rohypnol into the punch bowl at a gathering of Nevada Democratic Party officials earlier in the week at a Las Vegas casino. Murdoch then sent in a bevy of blond "reporters" led by Martha MacCallum and E.D. Hill to provide "sweet persuasion" to the assembled Democratic Party representatives. A short while later Fox News was granted the rights to televise the first Democratic Presidential debate which will be anchored by Brit Hume and paneled by John Gibson, Ann Coulter and Geraldo Rivera.

Representatives of the Nevada Democratic Party also agreed to the conditions laid out by Fox News that the candidates participating in the debate will have to wear Mao suits and stand under a banner that reads "Democrats, traitors or cowards?"

Responding to mounting criticism over the arrangement by outraged Democrats nationwide, Howard Dean, chairman of the Democratic National committee said, "Personally, I feel violated and unclean about this whole deal. In fact, I had to shower four times today just to try to erase the stink from this sordid agreement. Unfortunately, Murdoch has us by the balls and we have to go through with it. My only advice to other state Democratic Party officials is to stay away from the punch bowl at party gatherings, especially if Hannity and O'Reilly are lurking nearby."