Thursday, April 05, 2007

Washington Post Blames Satan For Its History Of Lies

Washington, D.C. - In a brief statement released earlier today, Fred Hiatt of the Washington Post blamed Satan for what he called the Post's "shameful and irrational behavior during the entire course of the Bush presidency and the Iraq war." This strange acknowledgment of the role the Washington Post played in convincing a skeptical nation to go to war was triggered by the unauthorized leak of confidential memos from the Post's editorial board which showed that reporters and columnists from the Washington Post knowingly lied to the American public when they uncritically printed White House and Republican Party press releases under their own bylines and without any opposing viewpoints.

Said Hiatt, "I know that the many lies written in the Washington Post over the last six years have led to an unjust war that has killed hundreds of thousands of people and that our actions at the Post have helped to create a climate that has damaged the very foundation of our constitutional democracy. What can I say? The devil made us do it."


Anonymous Joshua Worthington said...

I love the way Assimilated Press is able to get these candid interviews!
Keep up the good work. We need you.

8:46 PM  
Anonymous pinko said...

Satan has disavowed any connection to The Washington Post. Through a spokesman, Satan released a statement saying, "The Washington Post is lying. They never consulted me. If they had, I would have gotten rid of that Krauthammer guy years ago."

Satan also reminded the world that while it is acceptable to refer to Satan as "the Devil", the title "Prince of Darkness" is technically held by United States Vice President Richard B. Cheney.
"I intend to get 'Prince of Darkness' back," said Satan. "I'm in training, I'm working out, I'm eating good, I'm a definite contender - and once Guantanimo closes, I think I have a real good shot at regaining the title."

7:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just sent this article to the Washington Post Ombudsman with this commentary. I have previously corresponded with the current Ombudsperson.

Dear Ombud --

Just wanted to make sure you guys see this, which, I want to make doubly triply clear I DID NOT WRITE, though I wish I had. The site it comes from, Assimilated Press, is brilliant.
This parody captures the nuances of our situation. (As you may not know, the phrase "politically correct" was originally used by leftwingers to describe our own folllies. We see nuances, even if our signs at rallies don't always show that.) Here, the Assimilated Press has managed to at the same time indict the Post for its role in bringing us the current war, and make fun of the whole process of blame, denial, and demonization that rules our mainstream political monologue.

Of course the Devil did not make the Post do anything. Of course the Post is a complex collective enterprise, most of whose participants mean well and are working hard. Of course, the processes that have led the Post to be a mouthpiece for the Bush Administration are complex, and have to do with ownership, skewed notions of objectivity, and the cowardice of the Democratic Party, just for starters. Of course, we can only get out of our current situation by going through a complex democracy-driven transformation of how we interact with one another, not, unfortunately, with an exorcism.

(And of course, there are people who believe precisely that the Devil is making the Post do things -- just not the actual things that you are doing.)

But just for a moment, this parody allows us to focus on the nut of what has actually happened -- a national newspaper has refused to give an even remotely balanced view of a deadly serious matter, and has given cover to what has for some time been clearly the most incompetent and venal admininstration since Harding's. It allows us to treat this as the Hellish and Devilish event that it is, before we go back to the slog of the long march through the institutions to fix what is wrong and restore some semblance of accountability and civic conscience.

Larry Yates
Maurertown VA

8:16 PM  
Anonymous Beatrice said...

Larry: Wonderful Letter to the Washington Post!

10:33 PM  
Anonymous pinko said...

Larry, wow! That letter is fantastic!

8:13 AM  

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