Friday, February 23, 2007

Hunting Illegal Immigrants Fun New Game For College Republicans

New York, New York - At New York University enterprising Young Republicans are whiling away their college years playing "Find the Illegal Immigrant." According to the rules of the game, students are divided into the hunters and the hunted, with those students posing as illegal immigrants sporting an identification tag (It is unknown if the tag is a six-pointed yellow star, an identification used previously in other historical "find the undesirable" games). The first student playing the part of an all-American border enforcement agent who "captures" a tagged "illegal" wins a prize.

The game is primarily played indoors in comfortable, temperature-controlled conditions, as opposed to under the blazing sun in an arid desert where real border crossings occur. Much like grownup Republican hunting parties, such as those favored by Vice President Dick Cheney and Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, which take place at controlled game farms where large numbers of domestic quail are released at the same time in the right direction allowing for maximum kill with minimal effort, discomfort or disappointment, those wacky what-will-they-think-of-next Republican kids playing the "hunt the human" are guaranteed good, clean fun without having to work too hard or sacrifice their creature comforts.

It is unknown at this time if all the "illegal immigrants" are Republican college students or if adult menial labor on campus is paid under the table to ensure a steadily supply for this unglamorous role.

The prize for the first "agent" to capture an "illegal" was not specified in reports from campus, however it can be stated with assurance that the prize is not a trip to a combat zone where real "hunting" happens and real people get wounded, suffer, die, or in any way have their "other priorities" affected.

Written for Assimilated Press by roving reporter pinko


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