Wednesday, March 21, 2007

If Rove Testifies In A Forest And No One Hears Him...

Washington, D.C. - Fred Fielding sent a letter to Congress today outlining the terms under which the White House agrees Karl Rove, the President's top aide, will testify regarding the recent firing of eight US federal attorneys. In the letter, Mr. Fielding proposes that Mr. Rove's testimony be restricted to e-mails potentially involving the White House in the US attorney firing matter, in a closed door session, with government legal representation and Mr. Rove's personal representation if desired. The session would be conducted without administering an oath, no transcripts will be allowed, and this testimony will be in exchange for a Congressional promise of no subpoenas for Mr. Rove in the future.

In addition, Mr. Rove will only testify in front of people suffering severe short-term memory loss due to long term abuse of OxyContin. These drug addicts will not be released from confinement for a minimum of two weeks following the testimony. Mr. Fielding also insisted that all witnesses to the testimony must be legally deaf, blind, and unable to understand English in either written or spoken form. OxyContin addicts who meet these requirements and who also have a rapidly progressing fatal disease will be acceptable to the White House.

"Of course," wrote Mr. Fielding, "no questions will be put to Mr. Rove by any of the panelists. The location, date and time of the testimony will be classified and sealed for perpetuity, and the White House will neither confirm or deny the testimony itself has taken place."

Mr. Fielding closed the letter to Congressional members by saying he trusts these terms are adequate.

A senior Administration official said that there is some room for negotiation as Mr. Rove would also be amenable to testifying at an unspecified time in an undisclosed location to an assortment of small woodland creatures that had been cleared by White House security.

Written for Assimilated Press by roving reporter pinko


Anonymous Beatrice said...

Is there anyone in the Bush administration who isn't a liar?

5:49 PM  
Anonymous pinko said...

It's definitely deja vu all over again. First 3 Dem HQ's are knocked over (although I've yet to see any MSM outlet connect the dots and get the story out), and now it's an 18-day gap in the
e-mails released by the DoJ.

In 1972 the Rose Mary Woods stretch "accidentally erased" 18.5 minutes in the technology of the day, audio tapes, and the Watergate break in was - well, you know what Watergate was.

Eighteen minutes, eighteen days - what's the difference?

Not much.

In 1972 there was an executive branch that thought it was a kingdom unto itself that couldn't be bothered with such piddling nuisances as checks and balances or silly little laws. The executive branch assaulted the press, completely illegally invaded personal privacy using government agents, showed extreme contempt of Congress and by extension the rest of the country, usurped the budget and misappropriated funds, and cloaked itself in secrecy under the premise of national security.

There was also this disasterous, misbegotten war that was based on a totally faulty conservative premise that it would mean the end of the Western free world if that era's "clash of civilizations" foe, Communism, wasn't wiped off the face of the earth.

In 1972 they didn't water board enemy combatants, that we know of, but they did release nerve gas in American cities, irradiate hospital patients, including some non-terminal children, to see how fast they would die, and perform mind-altering experiments on GIs. Then they denied they did this and attacked the patriotism of those who asked questions.

Anything sound familiar yet?

Will someone - anyone - please tell me why "impeachment is off the table"? Is Congress waiting for us to riot in the streets? Are the Dems hoping for a suicide bomber at a Republican fundraiser? Isn't there any way within the rule of law of a civilized nation to legally and peaceably remove these monsters from power?

(Oh, and beatrice, in answer to your question: No. There isn't.)

9:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let's just hope and pray that the Dems don't cave in to Dumbya's demands.

Of course, it could be worse.

We could have our civil liberties suspended by Dumbya.

Much worse, we could be ordered to carry ID microchips in the right hand or forehead by Dumbya.

Scary stuff, isn't it?

7:27 PM  

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