No To Abortion And Yes To ROTC For Fetuses

Atlanta, Georgia - Zell Miller, the current Republican and former Democrat, who gave the keynote address at the 2004 Republican National convention, has stated that if it weren't for abortion we'd have more soldiers available to die in Iraq.

Arguing that abortion has made a serious dent in the breeding-for-cannon-fodder needs of America, Miller lamented that if only we had let more embryos live we would now be able to ship them off to die at the age of 18, in a national installment plan of deferred death.

Miller also blamed abortion for the presence of illegal immigrants in the country, since all social, political and economic conditions in Oaxaca and Tijuana obviously stem from abortions in Oshkosh and Toledo.

The religious right enthusiastically embraced Miller's clear articulation of abortion as being the root cause of all major American domestic and foreign policy failures. Said one Miller admirer, "If there really was such a thing as global warming, it is certain it would be caused by abortion."

Written for Assimilated Press by roving reporter pinko