Blair Says He Is Not Bush's Bitch In Candid Interview

London, England - The following interview took place Thursday morning in the Prime Minister's residence at Number 10 Downing Street over tea and scones. There were no restrictions and no ground rules for the conduct of the interview.

Virt: Mr. Prime Minister, as we speak this morning, British and American troops are mired in what appears to be a disastrous war in Iraq, a war that was sold to the British and American people on a series of lies. Knowing what you know now, do you feel that it was the right decision to invade Iraq?

Blair: First of all, your use of the word lies is much too strong. I would not call the justifications for the Iraq war lies. I would call them truths that happened to be untrue or facts that were not actually factual but I most certainly would not call them lies. I am not a liar. I am the prime minister. As to your question, yes, I would make exactly the same decisions knowing what I know today. To say otherwise would be tantamount to admitting I was wrong, that my decisions were tragic errors in judgment and that tens of thousands of people died unnecessarily because I lacked the will and intestinal fortitude to contradict the president of the United States. I could never admit to any such thing.

Virt: But many people do say that you lacked the courage to confront President Bush and moderate his actions. In fact, as you know, you have repeatedly been referred to as Bush's poodle, even by members of your own party.

Blair: I deeply resent your inference on my character. I am not Bush's poodle and I am not his bitch. I tried to reason with the American president but it was like trying to reason with a five year old throwing a tantrum on a sugar high. I can't be blamed for that.

Virt: Then why did you support him so fully?

Blair: Well, that is a very complicated question. Quite frankly, several months before the invasion, I received a call one night from my close friend and patron Rupert Murdoch. He told me that he would view it as a personal favor if I gave my complete and total support to President Bush's plans to invade Iraq.

Virt: A personal call from a media mogul was enough to sway your opinion?

Blair: There are two very powerful men I never refuse. One is God and the other is Rupert Murdoch.

Virt: So, you made your decision to commit British troops and throw in your lot with President Bush's Iraq war plans because it would curry favor with Ruport Murdoch?

Blair: Well, in reality, that was only half of the the reason. The other half was because President Bush and I thought we could have a jolly good crusade. Only this time we would do it better than our predecessors. You know, the last few crusades didn't turn out so well.

Virt: Then this venture into Iraq was never about weapons of mass destruction or imposing democracy?

Blair: Heavens no. For me, it was mostly the whole us versus them thing. You know, good versus evil, Christians versus the unbelievers. That really appealed to me.

Virt: And President Bush, is that what appealed to him as well?

Blair: Yes, very much so. However, in addition, he did have some rather serious psychological issues that this confrontational policy seemed to address. I read your interviews with Saddam Hussein and the First Lady and I think they were both right about the president's motivations for going into Iraq. I would simply add two more things to what they said about this. First, as I said, President Bush was very much into the idea of waging a crusade. In fact, on more than one occasion he mentioned to me that we should have a pre-Armageddon party to celebrate the coming of the Third Kingdom. He even told me that he was saving a bottle of Jack Daniels for the occasion.

Virt: And the second thing?

Blair: Politics, raw naked politics. President Bush, Vice President Cheney and Karl Rove all knew that their extreme agenda would never be accepted by the American public unless they created a climate of perpetual war. I must say, their strategy worked wonderfully. One can hardly recognize America these days. Who would have thought that democracy was such a fragile creation.

At this point in the interview an aide to the Prime Minister entered the room and whispered something into his ear.

Blair: I am sorry but I am going to have to end this interview. It seems that President Bush is on the phone for our daily prayer and war planning session. He gets very upset when I keep him waiting.

Virt: Yes, well thank you for this opportunity to get your views and also for the tea and scones.

Blair: You are most welcome.

As the Prime Minister took the call from the President of the United States I left Number 10 Downing Street and ventured into the greater clarity of the London fog.