President Bush To Enter Rehab

Washington, D.C. - Taking a page from celebrities Mel Gibson, Lindsay Lohan, Isaiah Washington and the reigning Miss USA, President Bush has decided that the only way to salvage his rapidly disappearing political fortune is to voluntarily commit himself to a rehabilitation clinic from which he will emerge a week later cured of a variety of ailments which are said to include megalomania, a messianic complex and poll ratings which are at record lows.

Sources in the White House have told Assimilated Press that they are confident that this new strategy will reinvigorate the administration and restore public confidence in the president. As one executive from Hill & Knowlton said, "All sins, misjudgments and criminal behavior are washed away in the metaphorically cleansing waters of a brief stint in rehab."

If this strategy does indeed prove successful, Vice President Dick Cheney, Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice and the entire country of Iraq will follow Bush and also enter rehab.