Gay Marriage Causing Widespread Devastation

Seattle, Washington - Research fellows at the Discovery Institute have released an alarming report that details the horrible consequences that have resulted from the legalization of gay marriage in several American localities. Essentially, these highly respected scholars who have graduated from some of the finest Bible colleges in the country have found that gay marriage has led to a surge in unemployment, teenage rebellion, male pattern baldness, increased incidents of mass madness among Republican Party faithful, and extremely high gas prices.

In presenting this report to the public, Dr. Fred Wittlenuts, president of the Discovery Institute, warned of even more apocalyptic consequences when he said that "The Institute has also discovered that, as a result of gay marriage, the earth has shifted off of its axis and is now headed into the sun which means that gay marriage is the real cause of global warming and not increased carbon dioxide emissions as is thought by the quack scientists from MIT, Caltech, Harvard and Stanford."

Next week, the Discovery Institute will be releasing another long anticipated report conclusively proving that the earth is only 5000 years old as shown in a notarized affidavit signed by Adam and Eve that only recently turned up in the ruins of an old Dairy Queen located on the outskirts of Seattle.