Wednesday, May 09, 2007

10 Out Of 10 Democrats Hate Freedom

San Francisco, California - A new poll has shown conclusively that Democrats, Independents, Libertarians and Green Party voters hate freedom.

In a poll that gave respondents a choice among "I hate it", "I love it" and "I don't care one way or another", non-Republican voters consistently picked "I hate it" when evaluating questions regarding freedom.

Fox News immediately seized on the poll results. "I knew in my heart all along that there is only a select group of freedom-loving Americans," said Sean Hannity to Ann Coulter, "And this proves it beyond a shadow of a doubt," agreed Ms. Coulter.

The poll questions were "How do you feel about":

*The President having the freedom to ignore any law he finds inconvenient?

*The President having the freedom to declare any American citizen an "enemy combatant" even if there is no evidence this citizen has planned or committed any crime?

*The President having the freedom to declare martial law and use military troops inside the United States without consent of Congress?

*The National Security Administration, with a secret warrant from a secret court, having the freedom to enter your home, take your possessions, wiretap your living space, your car and place of business, open your mail, trace your e-mail, access your medical and financial records and interview your coworkers, neighbors, acquaintances and family members, who under penalty of law, are not allowed to tell you that you are under surveillance?

*The Department of Justice having the freedom to obstruct justice?

*Some nameless government agency having the freedom to place your name on a "no fly" list without telling you why?

*OSHA having the freedom to weaken worker protection laws, the EPA having the freedom to weaken environmental safeguards and the National Parks Program having the freedom to open our national wildlife sanctuaries to energy and lumber corporations?

*The CIA having the freedom to torture at secret prisons?

*The government having the freedom to declare that someone held in Guantanamo has no right to legal representation or to know the charges against him, or see the evidence against him, or have his lawyer see the evidence?

A startling 100% of non-Republican respondents answered "I hate it" to
all of the above questions.

Mr. Bush, when informed of the poll results, said "This is why the suiciders and Al Qaeders hate us; they hate our freedoms."

Written for Assimilated Press by roving reporter pinko


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ha! That's right. Only Bush and company are allowed freedoms in his version of Amerika.

5:49 PM  

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