Bush Says Democrats Spawned From Demon Seed
Washington, D.C. - In a combative speech delivered before a group of young college Republicans during a campaign appearance for Senator George Allen of Virginia, President Bush today outlined what he called the many reasons to vote for Republicans and not for the "other" party. Said the President, "These are the last days before the election and the future of the world hangs in the balance. The choice is simple. Republicans are for God and Democrats are Godless. Republicans are for families and Democrats are against families. Republicans are good Americans and Democrats are bad Americans. Republicans are patriots and Democrats are traitors. Republicans like puppies, kittens and bunny rabbits while Democrats want to kill puppies, kittens and bunny rabbits so they can eat them with French wine and fancy cheeses."
Warming up to the crowd, the President then pounded the podium and leaned forward as he continued, "But the most important thing of all and what you must remember when you go to vote is that God is a Republican. He is against immigration, reproductive rights, taxes, stem cell research, and protecting the environment. Now, I'll tell you what God is for. God is for the war in Iraq because God understands that we need that oil. I'll tell you somethin' else about God. God is a warrior like me. He doesn't cut and run like the Democrats want to do. He smites, and that is what I do. I am the smiter and I will continue to smite until there is no more smiting to be done."
Bush then closed by delivering perhaps the harshest comment of all by saying, "Friends and fellow Republicans, there is one more thing I need to warn you about and it's something you must never forget. These Democrats who walk among us may look like you and me, but they're not. They are not born of earthly women and men. No! They are spawned from demon seed. That is why all God fearing Americans who want to get into the Heavenly Kingdom must vote for Republicans."
As the young college Republicans showered the President with applause, Vice President Dick Cheney turned to Karl Rove and said while laughing "Now, that's my idea of compassionate conservatism." Rove then said in reply, "Yeah, between the religious nuts, Scalia and Diebold I think we've got things under control."