Supreme Court Honors Benito Mussolini
Washington, D.C. - The United States Supreme Court led by Chief Justice Roberts and Justices Scalia, Alito, Thomas and Kennedy, today took an unscheduled holiday and attended a special service in order to honor the memory of Benito Mussolini who the five justices called the embodiment of what a leader should be. Throughout the event they were glowing in their praise of the man known as Il Duce referring to him as the person in history they most admire.
Speaking for all five justices, Antonin Scalia said, "Benito Mussolini is never far from our thoughts as justices of the Supreme Court. He guides every decision we make as though he were watching over our shoulders. Still, our goal of creating an America in the image of Mussolini has been difficult. Fortunately, when we installed Dick Cheney and George W. Bush in the White House we advanced this cause greatly but we still have a long way to go."
At the conclusion of the Mussolini memorial service all five justices were flown on one of Exxon Mobil's corporate jets for a fun filled holiday in Aruba where the corporate giant rewarded them for being Exxon Mobil's employees of the year.